When Striving Ceases
When Striving Ceases
AMBLESIDE SCHOOLS INTERNATIONAL
By Bill St Cyr
Founder, Ambleside Schools International
There are things one learns in decades of journeying towards Christ, and one of them is the power of shared joy. Shared joy is a high value in the Ambleside community. As I was wheeled into my hospital room and helped into bed; opaque mind, beset by fog; a simple thought or a simple prayer formed: “Let me share joy with whoever walks through that door.” Over the next eight days, weak but with bright eyes; “What is your name?” “That’s a lovely name.” “You are so kind to help me.” “You do such good and careful work.” “Thank you for caring for me, I really appreciate it.” “So nice to see you again.” In response, bright eyes shone through hazmat face guards, and the rough outlines of smiles showed from behind surgical masks. Though my mind was often listless, an air of joy pervaded the room.
Something else surprising, strange, wonderful, completely unexpected, and by sheer grace occurred – an absolute and complete cessation of striving. By “striving,” I mean the universal human experience of being driven to control outcomes in a vain attempt to protect a wounded heart from further wounding. How often a deep, unperceived fear drives us. Running below awareness and faster than consciousness, the heart says, “I will not feel something like that again.” “I will not have the rejection, the aloneness, the disappointment, the sadness, the sense of futility, the feeling of powerlessness.” And to distract the heart, our mind writes a good story of righteous ends to be justifiably pursued, and we throw ourselves after these ends, telling ourselves we are well, doing better or will be doing better soon. But all is motivated by a striving, scared, wounded heart. And it is so hard to see.
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